Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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