It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
