i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize