Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
