I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
