is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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