I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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