So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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