you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize