I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
