I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pants are for mortals
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
