3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
