No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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