not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
