i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
