Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize