Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
