He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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