Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
