OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
