Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize