Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
