I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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