It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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