I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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