nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
