normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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