she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize