sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cockslap morals
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
