You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
