The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize