I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
