I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
