oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
