dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
