You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize