There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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