ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize