So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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