That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
