I'm drive I can fine osifer
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
