She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
