I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
