ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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