i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
