And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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