THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
