My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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