Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
