Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have demons in me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
