I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
