You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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