I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
