I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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