Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
