I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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