he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
