It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
