Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
