yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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