I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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