Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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