I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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