the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
