When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
