that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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