Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
