you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize