first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
