no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
