I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
