I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
