he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
