D3 body, D1 cock
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
