My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
