She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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