Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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