You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
