She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
