Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
