Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
