she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My liver just broke up with me...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
