im drinking this country out of the recession.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
