i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
