Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize