i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
