I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
only you would photoshop your dick
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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