Don't make out with my wife yet
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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