Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize