so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
