Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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