My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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