Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
