Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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