South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
