i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize