Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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