Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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