im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
