Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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