Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I will be naked everywhere
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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