He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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