Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize