I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
