Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
