ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
