When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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