I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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