i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
