I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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