remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
