It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
