Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
