I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I understand Curling. That high.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
