Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
