New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
