im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
