i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
