i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
