i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
