i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
